Joke - Rahul Gandhi

This is hilarious

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Rahul Gandhi walks into ICICI Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, “Good morning Ma’am, would you please cash this cheque for me?”

Cashier: “It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?”

RG: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Vice President of the Congress Party,d future Indian PM.

Cashier: “Yes Sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, I must insist on seeing ur ID.”

RG: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

Cashier: “I am sorry sir but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

RG: “I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque.”

Cashier: “Look Sir,dis is what we can do. One day, Sachin Tendulkar came into the bank without ID. To prove dat he was Sachin he pulled out his bat and struck a beautiful shot across the bank. With that shot we knew him to be Sachin and cashed his checque.”

“Another time, Mahesh Bhupati came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my teacup. With that shot we cashed his cheque.

So, sir what can you do to prove that you are the future Indian PM, Rahul Gandhi?”

RG stands there thinking, for quite some time, and finally says:

“Honestly, my mind is a total blank… There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do; I just don’t have a clue. I will go & ask mummy”.

Cashier: “Sir 500 ke note dun ya 1000 ke?

😂😂😂😴😷

Joke - Rahul Gandhi

Difference between Regular CNG Kit and Sequential CNG Kit

As we have seen the need for CNG in cars are increasing day by day and more people are adopting CNG Kits as their option for a Better, Cleaner tomorrow, knowing the fact that it’s economical for pocket and engine friendly also.

There are 2 kinds of kits available in Indian Market Conventional kits & Sequential Kits. A lot of CNG Kit users and CNG enthusiasts are un-aware / confused about the two technologies, but the difference is quite simple.

The CNG Reducer supplies the CNG Gas to the Engine through a locally made Air Gas Mixture which is not supplied by the CNG Kit Manufacturer; it is then fitted on the Air Intake (Inlet Manifold) of the Engine. The CNG Gas and Air mixture is sucked by the Engine which travels through the manifold and reaches inside the engine, according to its firing order.

As there is no computer control over the flow of CNG gas into car’s engine in a conventional CNG Kit, an even flow of CNG gas mixture now enters into the combustion chamber and burns with the help of the Sparks generated by the Spark plugs fitted in the Cylinder Head. If the Plugs are week then the car can Backfire, resulting in a mild explosion within the engine compartment which is released through the Air Cleaner of the car. This can often result in blowing off the Air Cleaner assembly of the car. That is why many cars are found with busted Air Cleaner assy. Another drawback is a compromise of the Engine Power (roughly 10-30%), and loss of Engine Life due to poor pick up and A/C load.

With the improvement in Engine Technologies (BS-III) little improvement in the CNG Kit technology was achieved with the introduction of Lambda Controlled System(LCS) or Close loop System & Timing Advancers(TA). A little control of the Gas flow and poor pick up can be made up with this LCS and TA that are connected with the MAP Sensor, TPS & Oxygen Sensor (Lambda sensor) fitted in the Engine & Exhaust Manifold (Silencer) of the Car.

Due to the slight improvement in car’s pick-up with CNG Kits fitted with LCS and TA; more users started to switch to CNG from petrol and the use of A/C on CNG was more effective without compromising performance and engine’s life.

With the further advancements in technology and need for better performance from CNG Kits users, Sequential CNG Kits were introduced to match the performance of EFI or MPFI car by delivering computer controlled CNG gas injection through nozzles(similar to injectors in petrol cars) which is matched to the engine’s original computer for better optimization, increased performance and power & even better fuel efficiency.

The Difference between a Sequential CNG Kit & Conventional CNG Kit is as same that of a Petrol Carburetor Car and MPFI Car. In MPFI cars the delivery and quantity of fuel is controlled by the Petrol Injectors installed in the Cylinder Head Assy.. The Injectors are connected with the Electronic Control Module (ECM) of the Car which takes signals from other sensors fitted and helps in improving the pick and mileage of the cars and helps in reduction of pollutants levels also.

A Sequential CNG Kit works the same way. It has a separate CNG gas ECM and multiple CNG Gas Injectors to control the flow and quantity of the CNG gas. These are installed just next to the petrol injectors on the engine cylinder head. CNG gas is pumped inside the engine’s combustion chamber which results in better fuel combustion resulting in better pickup, increased mileage, low engine load and no dust entry into the engine when compared to air-gas mixture installed in a conventional CNG Kit system. No modifications are required in the air intake system when using a Sequential CNG Kit system than compared to a Conventional CNG Kit system.

The size of the CNG reducer fitted is smaller than conventional CNG kit and supplies CNG directly to the CNG Injector rail which takes lesser engine space. The CNG Gas ECM is connected with the Engine ECM though specially Designed Waterproof Wiring which send the signals to the CNG Gas Injectors for gas injection.

The ECM receives signals from the MAP sensor fitted in the Car for proper quantity of the Gas to be released to the Injectors. The quantity of the CNG Gas is also monitored by the Vacuum Pipes installed. If there is any leakage in the Vacuum system the Gas Supply to the Engine is cut and it is automatically shifted to Petrol Mode with a buzzer sound installed in the Fuel Change over switch.

The system has a customized software design, which allows selection of Fuel change, Time, Temperature and Changeover RPM also. It comes with a very compact sized fuel selection switch with built in buzzer alarm which can be fitted easily anywhere. If the CNG GAS goes off while driving, the car automatically comes on Petrol with a buzzer sound. The user cannot judge the difference between the performance in Petrol / CNG and is useful for cars with Complex Engine Technologies or latest Engine Technologies.

The fully automatic and self-calibrated GAS ECM does not require tune ups on a regular basis which save maintenance costs. Even in case of problems the repairing is done through electronically using the software which automatically detects and fixes any faults in the system and takes much lesser time than manual calibration. Electronic maintenance reduces chances of human error and save a lot of time. Even when you take the car for regular service or maintenance, there is no need for the setting does not changes.

Difference between Regular CNG Kit and Sequential CNG Kit

Joke: Number of Dependents

ITR: Number of Dependents

Best Answer given by an Indian Citizen:-

My Income Tax return form has been sent back because, In response to a question for ‘Number of Dependents on you?’

I replied:

“65% of population who doesn’t pay taxes, 21 million illegal immigrants, 9,00,000 criminals in over 1382 prisons and above all 544 idiots in parliament”.

They said, this is not an acceptable answer.

I am still wondering…..

 Who the hell did I miss out!!.

Joke: Number of Dependents

Management Lessons From Gabaar

Gabaar was an astute management guru as is reflected in some of the timeless management lessons he delivered thru the movie Sholay 

1. Jo darr gaya samjho mar gaya … Courage and enterprise are important factors for laying the successful foundation of a growth oriented business 

2. Kitne admi the … Its important to know the competition and its size ..he understood that even a small team can make a difference 

3. Arey o sambha kitna inam rakhe hai sarkar hum par …promoting one’s own brand very important and to Be reiterated always 

4. 6 goli aur aadmi 3 … Create an illusion where his people had a chance of survival ..he kills them in the next scene …

moral – perform or perish 

5. Le ab goli kha … Sometimes in the interest of the organisation u have to take hard decisions …. So sometimes have to ‘fire’ some employees 

6. Jab tak tere pair chalenge uski saans chalegi …classic carrot and stick approach …tere pair ruke toh yeh bandook chalegi !! 

7 . Yeh ramgadh waale apni beti ko kaun chaki ka aata khilate hai re …market research is important to understand value propositions !!

Management Lessons From Gabaar

Joke -

A Sardar went to a bank to open a Saving Bank Account.

After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.

You know why?

Form said: ‘Fill Up In Capital.’

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Sardar ji standing below a tube light with open mouth.

Why?

Because his doctor advised him: ‘Today’s dinner should be light !’

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1 sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.

You know why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

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Santa! Your daughter has died!

Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.

At 50th floor he remembers I don’t have a daughter!

At 25th floor he remembers I’m unmarried!

At 10th floor he remembers I’m Banta not Santa!

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On romantic date sardar’s gf asks him:

‘Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?’

He said: ‘Sure ! What’s your phone no.?’

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Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever.

What will come first, chicken or egg?

Oye Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

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Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Sardarji

He wrote:’Due To Rain, No Match!’

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What does a sardar do after taking a Xerox?

He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

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Why can’t sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?

They cannot find the eleven on the phone.

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Sardar & wife buy coffee in a shop.

Sardar: Drink quickly before it gets cold.

Wife: Why?

Sardar: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.

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Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible luking thing is what you call modern art?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!

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What happens when a Sardarni delivers twins???? 

The Sardar does not sleep whole night, thinking who is the father of second child…

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Interviewer: what is your birth date?

Sardar: 13th October

Which year?

Sardar:  Oye  ullu  ke  pathe___ EVERY YEAR

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Manager asked sardar at an interview.

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? 

Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

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After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,

Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why?

Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

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One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:

Any great man born in this village???

Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

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Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi

So Sardar writes, “Gandhi was a great man, but I don’t know who is Jayanthi.

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Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire

and how will you escape?

Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

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Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

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Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..

Friend: How do u know?

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

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Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!

Sardar: Wow!!! That’s an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

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Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay ..

While its landing he shouted: ” Bombay .. Bombay ”

Air hostess said: “B silent.”

Sardar: “Ok.. Ombay. Ombay”

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Teacher: “What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?”

Sardar: “All are born on government holidays…!!!

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Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

Joke -

Joke - To Be 26 again

To Be 26 again!

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

‘I’d like to be twenty six again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On the morning of her Birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park on a bike. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to her to the most happening pub where he ordered and danced body to body

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite chocolate. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being 26 again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed .

‘I meant my waist size, you Retard!!!!’

Joke - To Be 26 again